Blog

Welcome to your Sexually Empowered Life!

As a sexuality educator and sex and relationship coach, I am committed to empowering people to heal, nurture and celebrate their sexuality and have fulfilling intimate relationships. I believe that healthy sexuality and non-violent, emotionally skilled intimate relationships are a key to changing the world, one person at a time. If you are interested in sex-positive, feminist [...]

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What’s the Value of Your Sex Life?

Multiple times a week I hear people say they want their sexuality to be a priority, they want to put more energy into it, or they want to stop putting their sex life on the back burner. My response is usually that if they really want their sexual life to change, they have to get it [...]

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Walking the Tightrope of Pleasure and Danger

When people find out that I am a sexual empowerment coach, a lot of the time their response is: “Oh, so you do prevention?” I always smile inwardly because I know what this assumption means. No, I answer, I’m not here to prevent your sexuality — actually I’m here to encourage its fullest expression! In our [...]

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The 6 Most Common Reasons Women Ask for Sexual Support

My team has been analyzing some of the data I’ve been collecting over the years for why women approach me. We’ve narrowed it down to six key issues that people want help with when they contact me and what they focus on when they come into my sexual empowerment programs. I thought I’d share some of our [...]

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Me and Dan Savage Disagree about Desire

I listen to Dan Savage’s Savage LoveCast and I frequently agree with him, often with loud cheers, and big “Yes, Dan, tell them!” type enthusiasm. I listened to the show he did a couple weeks ago where he addressed a 38-year-old virgin, desire, and romantic matches, and I want to take it from another angle. [...]

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The Sovereign in the Creative & Sexual Journey

The ocean always feels like coming home, like my pen to the page. The setting for the act of writing matters inside and outside of the words. There is an art to finding the right place to create, what land, what ancestors, and what stories that live inside the rock and by reproduction, sand—will reveal [...]

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Sexual Fantasies: What they mean and what to do about them?

The incredible questions that poured in last week for my call on female desire have got me thinking about the topic of fantasies: what they are, what they’re meant for and what to do with them. I’m happy to say that I think we’ve come a long way since 1973, when Cosmo ran a feature [...]

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A Forgotten and Critical Feminist Herstory at UCSB

I felt like I went back in time this week. I was a student at the University of California at Santa Barbara during the post-Reagan, George H. W. Bush era in the late 80s and early 90s. Nearly 25 years later, UCSB is still fraught with the issues of violence and sexual assault we struggled [...]

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The Two Fundamental Differences In the Experiences of Queer People

(that heterosexuals might never think about) There are two fundamental things that are so different about queer people that heterosexuals take for granted and might never consider in their lives—unless they want to, or are forced to by their own sexual unhappiness. I’m getting so many questions this week about queer identities, about how to [...]

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I Was Terrified the First Time I Went to a Lesbian Bar

I can still vividly remember the first time I went to a lesbian bar in New York City. Okay, I’d been to one in Dallas once before—but with a big group of friends so it wasn’t as big a deal. This was the big gay city. After I’d landed in Greenwich Village and I’d met [...]

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