Pleasure & Desire
Walking the Tightrope of Pleasure and Danger
When people find out that I am a sexual empowerment coach, a lot of the time their response is: “Oh, so you do prevention?” I always smile inwardly because I know what this assumption means. No, I answer, I’m not here to prevent your sexuality — actually I’m here to encourage its fullest expression! In our [...]
Me and Dan Savage Disagree about Desire
I listen to Dan Savage’s Savage LoveCast and I frequently agree with him, often with loud cheers, and big “Yes, Dan, tell them!” type enthusiasm. I listened to the show he did a couple weeks ago where he addressed a 38-year-old virgin, desire, and romantic matches, and I want to take it from another angle. [...]
Sexual Fantasies: What they mean and what to do about them?
The incredible questions that poured in last week for my call on female desire have got me thinking about the topic of fantasies: what they are, what they’re meant for and what to do with them. I’m happy to say that I think we’ve come a long way since 1973, when Cosmo ran a feature [...]
The Two Fundamental Differences In the Experiences of Queer People
(that heterosexuals might never think about) There are two fundamental things that are so different about queer people that heterosexuals take for granted and might never consider in their lives—unless they want to, or are forced to by their own sexual unhappiness. I’m getting so many questions this week about queer identities, about how to [...]
I Was Terrified the First Time I Went to a Lesbian Bar
I can still vividly remember the first time I went to a lesbian bar in New York City. Okay, I’d been to one in Dallas once before—but with a big group of friends so it wasn’t as big a deal. This was the big gay city. After I’d landed in Greenwich Village and I’d met [...]
The 5 Biggest Fears About Desire
I’ve been speaking and writing about desire lately because I believe that understanding and opening to desire is so central to living a fulfilled life. If you missed my call last week, “Claim Your Sexual Power: 5 Steps to Stop Fearing Your Desire and Start Living It,” I want to share my observations on the [...]
3 Reasons Why Desire is Absolutely Necessary
This week I invited people on my mailing list to send me their questions about sexuality and desire, and I really enjoyed getting the chance to read them and offer my analysis. Here’s some of what I heard: What’s with the ‘coming in waves’ thing? I just work up the “Yeah, this is really what [...]
What if my desire hurts somebody else?
This week I delivered my first TEDx talk in Napa Valley. On the break, I had exciting conversations with people about how they would parent their kids differently and how my talk gave them a new perspective on sexuality and its importance. One woman wanted to engage me about the idea of desire, because I [...]
Soulmate Search: How to Find “The One”
It’s Valentine’s Day and I thought it would be apropos to talk about finding “the one” because this Hallmark holiday is built around supporting couples—people who have ostensibly found their one true love. I’ve always disliked that—what about the solo folks who do not identify themselves as part of a pair? How about the unabashedly [...]
Do Millennials Have Something to Teach Us About Sexual Desire?
Earlier this week I came across an article entitled “How Millennials Are Changing the Sexual Landscape”, focusing on the supposed sexual permissiveness of the current generation and how that is changing cultural trends around gender and sexuality. Here’s the six ways in which millennials are supposedly creating a sexual revolution: 1. Porn and masturbation are [...]
