How Do I Get More Confidence?

I have been teaching sexuality for so long and over the years when I ask people—women in particular—what they think they need in order to feel sexually empowered, without reservation, the number one answer I get the most is “I want more confidence” or “I want more sexual confidence.” My conclusion? Most people want more confidence!

Coming from a place of insecurity, which is the opposite of confidence, doesn’t feel good and usually does not get you what you want.

It’s very hard, if not impossible, to create the relationships of your dreams from a place of insecurity. Without a healthy dose of confidence, you have a really hard time standing up for yourself or asking for what you need in your relationships, and sometimes you get walked all over because of it. Not fun.

It’s hard to build a really successful business or career from a place of insecurity.

If you are feeling frustrated because your career feels stagnant or you are playing small and not taking steps to do the work you feel you are here to do in the world the way to change it is to have the confidence to do it. It’s so painful to watch how people play small and keep themselves from having their dreams.

It’s hard to ask for the money you deserve from a place of insecurity. Maybe you want a raise, or you want to raise your prices if you have your own business and you lack the confidence to ask for what you know you are worth.

It’s definitely hard to get the sex and the sexual satisfaction you want and deserve from a place of insecurity. You might be feeling sexually frustrated, not having orgasms, not feeling like you get as much from sex as your partners, or feel stuck in not being able to ask for what you need sexually and so you aren’t getting it. I find that many people who are powerful in other areas of their lives, (particularly women) just lack the ability to get their needs met in the bedroom and often feel really small and dissatisfied there.

Confidence is often talked about like it’s a pill you can take, or like it’s something you acquire in one big shot and you are good. But it’s not. It’s something you have to work at. It’s a process to develop confidence.

This is why I began to look at people’s confidence and scrutinize how their confidence operates… I know from all my years of work that there are patterns around people’s ways of expressing and using their confidence and I’ve learned a few things about what makes people tick, what their needs and fears are, and what will help them get to the next level in their life, love, work and play.

I developed the 5 Confidence Types™ out of my work with people. You may have a clear dominant type or you might be a combination of types. Most people do have a dominant type that is your home base right now–your default or the place you are most comfortable, or uncomfortably comfortable. You can learn skills to help you bring more of the energy of some of the other types into your repertoire if you want that, and you can also work on understanding how your type operates so you know what to work on enhancing and what to be careful of.

I want you to find out what your Confidence Type™ is! This is not a one-size fits all operation. We don’t all operate with the same brand of confidence. We have varying strengths and vulnerabilities and I want to help you define where you are now and how to move your confidence to the place where you want to go. I am so excited about helping people build their confidence. I know how important the element of confidence is in your being able to create the relationships, professional success, and sexual life you want.

The response to the Confidence Quiz has been really overwhelmingly positive in what it is doing for individuals and in the conversations they are able to have with other people in their lives. Do yourself a favor and learn more about how your own confidence operates so that you can take more control of your life and start living the way you really want to because you have the confidence to do it!